Early in my career, while working for a government institution as a training manager, I was assigned a new boss (Mike). He and I had not yet met but I knew about him by reputation. We were as different as dirt and water. I was quite liberal, he was very conservative. I had long hair, he was clean cut. I was pretty casual in my demeanor, he was very precise in both word and action. In my youth, I had attended protest rallies against the Vietnam War. He had completed two tours of duty there and was a decorated Marine Corp officer. I liked to wear casual clothes to work; he always wore a suit and tie.
You get the picture.
Shortly after he started, I attended a meeting in another building. While I was gone, he asked one of my colleagues where I was and questioned why I was taking so long to return.
When my colleague told me that he’s asked this, I was furious. Who was this “soldier boy” to question how I spent my time getting my job done. I was a professional with a masters degree, for gosh sakes.
Of course, the logical thing for me to do was to ask Mike what he had wanted and clarify for him why I had needed to take two hours. It also would have been a good time for us to discuss our mutual expectations of each other.
But did I do that? Nooooooo. I was much too immature at the time. So I sulked and stewed about it for weeks without saying a word to him. I was civil, but not friendly. I avoided him when I could and avoided eye contact when I couldn’t. I did my job as required but became disagreeable to the point of belligerence whenever we discussed an issue upon which we differed. I also bad-mouthed him to others whenever I got the chance. I was well on my way to becoming an “Employee From Hell.”
A few weeks later, Mike walked into my office, closed the door and said, “I get the feeling you’re ticked off at me. Is that true?”
I did my best to look puzzled and denied there was anything wrong. He then looked me in the eye and said, “B—s—. I can tell when something isn’t right so I want you to level with me.” When I finally told him what was bothering me, he was dumbfounded. It turns out that he hadn’t meant to accuse me of slacking, which is how I had interpreted his asking about the time I’d taken. He then apologized for any misunderstanding and asked that we start off on a new foot.
I agreed. From that day forward, Mike and I got along just fine. Looking back, I realize that I acted so childishly because I was feeling a little paranoid because Mike was my total opposite. I created such a negative image of him in my head before I ever met him that I was ready to jump on anything he said or did.
It makes me realize that as managers, our employees watch us closely but that’s no surprise. Afterall, we have power over them. We can affect their careers and their lives. Consequently, they observe us closely and our actions can take on meaning for them that may get distorted or blown out of proportion.
For example, in one of my management seminars, I made mention of the CEO of the company who was sponsoring the event. A woman in the front row, who worked for this CEO let out a disgusted gasp and rolled her eyes. I asked her later in private about her response and why she seemed to dislike the man. She replied that she thought he was stuck up and rude. (Yeah, sounds like high school, right?) When I asked her why, she replied that the two times she had ever had any contact with him was while passing him in the hall. She had said “good morning to him,” and he had not replied but just walked by.
I happened to know the fellow and I found him to be a charming, kind and considerate person who would never intentionally blow someone off like that. He was, however, kind of an absent minded professor type, and my guess is that he hadn’t even heard her say “good morning” because he was preoccupied with another matter in his head.
The scary part here is that as managers, if we don’t take action to intervene, like Mike did with me, the perceived insult can fester into a sore worker who can eventually become an Employee From Hell. So I suggest practicing some vigilance watching how people respond to you. If you sense trouble in the waters, don’t be afraid to have one of those difficult conversations where you bring the issue out in the open. The worse thing that can happen is that the person denies any problem, but at least he knows you’re interested.